Desperate times call for desperate measures, and the substitute teacher just begs to be made desperate for it.
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There's no denying it. Innocent, quiet Clive isn't just fully aware of the powerful capabilities and transformative properties of the little purple pills stolen from his father's lab, his body aches for them. Despite those recurring, very adult dreams and fantasies he's still too inexperienced to understand and the way his own body betrays him and the most unexpected moments and situations, Clive is determined to never use one of the powdery tablets again.
But he does have one stashed away in his backpack—just in case. School can be full of surprises, and Clive's little life, as it turns out, is guaranteed to be.
This day seems to be just another school day, just another math class: easy, uneventful. Until she shows up: the substitute teacher from hell.
Miss Adlersflugel is one terrifying temporary teacher, and it's apparent from the very first moment she steps into the classroom that no student will be left unaffected. In fact, they may not even be allowed to leave class at all.
Clive doesn't want to be a hero; he definitely doesn't want to draw attention. But someone has to save the day and rescue the class from prolonged torture, and Clive is the only one armed with a secret solution.
It's too easy to slip one over on the unsuspecting substitute. What happens after isn't so easy to deal with. But Clive's growing up fast, and, as it turns out, the substitute is actually an excellent teacher.
Clive's dilapidated backpack slid along the tile floor at school, hanging onto Clive with just one strap still intact and making a depressing sound that matched Clive's mood. He really needed a new backpack, but his parents somehow missed the school supply buying frenzy everyone else's parents celebrated earlier that Fall, and there was no way that Clive wanted to ask his parents for anything now.
He didn't even want to talk to them. Or look at them. In fact, he tried very hard—it was practically his own personal motto now—to avoid directing anyone's attention to him at all.
Clive slowly stepped down the main hallway at school, dragging his feet and worrying that his recent adventures were written all over his chubby little face. He felt different, his dreams were different, and so, everyone else just had to somehow know that Clive himself was different.
Oh, in the moment, it was always all fun and games. Principal Parker herself—the former super-scary wrinkled woman everyone now thought was replaced by her young niece—still gave Clive a special look every time their paths happened to cross during a school day. At least, twin sisters Heather and Hannah, definitely the prettiest girls in school, were so busy playing naughty games with every boy—and girl—in school that they didn't even remember that day in the park with Clive. He must now be only number one out of forty-two or so.
As for Chrissie Winters, the older girl who lived three doors down from Clive and his parents, Clive had no idea what she was up to after it happened. Thank goodness Clive's parents very rarely had Date Night; Clive just shouldn't be forced to be babysat again.
Everything, for Clive, was all right really. Except for his guilt. And those weird feelings and notions that kept creeping up in his young head from time to time. Well, more like a gazillion times a day. And they were so detailed.
Little scenes and spontaneous ideas were popping into Clive's mind that he'd never even seen or heard or thought of before. It was like his own imagination was starting to develop an imagination of its own. Clive didn't want to try those things either—not really. Not yet anyway.
When he finally slid into math class and plopped himself into his assigned desk in the very back of the room, Clive looked forward to numbers and problem solving pushing all the other thoughts out of his tired mind.
"Did you do the homework?" the freckle-faced boy sitting next to Clive asked.
"Yup," Clive answered as he emptied the contents of his broken backpack.
"Uh..." the kid groaned. "Uh..."
Clive stared at him and his stupid face.
"Uh..." the kid repeated.
"What," Clive said.
"Uh... can I see it?"
"With sugar on top?"
"For a candy bar?"
"You don't have a candy bar."
"Yes, I do."
Clive watched the freckles on the boy's cheek move into new constellations as he made faces to help pull something out of his front jeans pocket. Eventually, something square-shaped that just couldn't be a real candy bar slid out, held between the boy's finger and thumb. ....
Average Rating: 5.0/5.0 from 5 reviews
WHOA. Thanks Tina! This was amazing! You just keep getting better and better. I can't wait for Clive's next adventure! I still hope his mom gets a pill ;) Incredible regression and age play writing.
Going into this book, I didn't know what to expect. I hadn't read any of the previous books in the series, and I don't care for content that demeans women. However, I've always loved the teacher fantasy and thought I would give this book a try.
I was pleasantly surprised at the combination of young adult high school novel and explicit adult content that shows up later. A lot of what I read here reminded me of the innocent fun of those YA novels. I especially enjoyed when Clive couldn't pronounce the substitute's name and came up with approximations that seemed genuine but also seemed to poke fun at her. It made me laugh every time. Tina also does a great job of recalling details from our times at school, such as lugging around a broken backpack (because didn't we all have a duct taped backpack at some point which had to make it at least one year before buying another? I certainly did) and letting neighbors borrow our homework for candy or extra lunch money. I remember feeling that same worry that Clive felt lending his homework because you never knew if you were going to get it back in time, or worse, the teacher saw what you did and gave you both zeros for the assignment. Then of course, we all at some point had that really strict teacher that everyone couldn't wait to escape once the bell rang. It was an interesting trip down memory lane.
After the purple pill comes in to play, the situation very quickly starts to heat up. I enjoyed the playful and seductive nature that Miss Adlersflugel developed. It definitely scratched my teacher fantasy itch. The language used to describe how she "plays" with Clive as well as some of the boys in the class was perfect to entice me as a reader and keep me reading to see what was coming next. I can appreciate Tina's experience in writing mature novels here. I also really liked how she didn't devolve to using typical mature terms which, while probably more arousing, would have been inappropriate considering Clive's inexperience and innocence (what little is left and will probably be gone altogether by the end of this series).
As for my concerns about the demeaning nature of this book, I shouldn't have been worried at all. This book recalls the women from Clive's previous encounters and how they are today. They all seem to be getting along normally and in some cases, their lives seem to have improved, such as Principal Parker. In fact, it seems the little purple pill might just get rid of our inhibitions and help us grab some joy out of life. Maybe we should all try the little purple pill, albeit with a smaller dosage.
I can't wait to see where Tina will take Clive next. In the mean time, I'll be picking up the previous books to see how all of the fun started and what has lead Clive to these sensational, sexual circumstances.
This is the fourth book of Ms. Tirrell's "Sweetening" series. Based on a summation of past adventures early in the story, a young dude with the amusingly British name of "Clive" -- the hero of the series -- stole a batch of his mad-scientist father's bimbo pills. Clive apparently proceeded to make his life easier by slipping these mickeys into the drinks of assorted old crone school principals, bratty twins, and overbearing babysitters. Well, as our current story opens, he's only got one pill left, and he'll find that he needs to use it on a substitute math teacher.
This "bimbofication" fetish is new to me. In my day, back on Pepperidge Farms where the men wore straw hats and the women wore corsets, "fetish" usually meant some lady accoutred in shiny black leather and wielding a riding crop. You know -- the sort of antique stuff that middle-aged British housewives like EL James think is "sexy". But Ms. James has earned a billion dollars, and that indicates that we readers are equally unimaginative. Thankfully, Tina Tirrell is here to save us from sexual cliches.
Tirrell employs third-person narration here, which obliges her to demonstrate facility with back-and-forth dialogue and omniscient description, all of which she does with practiced ease. Tirrell is also something of a comedienne. She gives her characters names like Ms. Adlersflugel (the substitute), Troy Studebaker, Harry Clemons, Susie Jibbly, and of course our hero, Clive Murgatroyd. Funniest of all is Clive himself, whose advanced carnal knowledge seems to depress him in a comic sad-sack manner (except during the act, of course). Yep, it's a tough old world, Clive, and it doesn't get any easier, especially when there are no purple pills around.
Well, the upshot of the tale is that, after Clive slips the purple pill into Miss Fahrvergnugen's water-glass, she transforms from Wicked Witch of the West into a mindless bimbo in need of servicing. World-weary Clive, after shooing everyone out of the classroom (he's a sort of natural leader), rises to the occasion. Those who had crushes on teachers will recognize their own fantasies here. Except Ms. Tirrell's imagination is a little dirtier. :)
5 out of 5, but Ms. Tirrell misses a trick: she forgets to have Clive taste that exotic, hooch-infused German chocolate candy. It sounds a little like those "Bourbon balls" one finds in gift shops in distilleries along dear old Kentucky's Bourbon Trail.
This is just the right mix of naughty and taboo, dirty and wrong, but the characters are so right, so intriguing, and I just want to keep reading about them forever.
I'm a big fan of all of Tina's series, but I think this one is my favorite. Every new story shocks me in all the right ways and makes me think of new 'subjects' for Clive's adventures and those little purple pills that I hope Tina writes in the future!